PDA: Please Demonstrate Appropriateness

As I’m walking around my local shopping centre, I am greeted constantly by the sight of happily-ever-after in love couples sucking faces. As happy as I am to know that Love does in deed still exist in the modern world (where honestly I thought it had become extinct), it does not mean I wish to see people eating each other’s faces as if they missed breakfast.

Be that as it may, I like seeing a couple walking round holding hands, all cute. But as soon as one partner begins to look like the Kraken attacking the other, that’s when I begin to feel my Weetabix returning. I guess it’s up to people’s own personal preferences what they do, but these preferences aren’t exactly made for public places. None of this is helped of course by the films and TV series that are promoting inappropriate Public Displays of Affection and such. We are seeing it on our favourite programmes more and more often (whatever happened to the 9pm watershed?); I’m just waiting for Igglepiggle and Upsy Daisy to start making out in the CBeebies show In The Night Garden. It’s cute to see a happy Hollywood ending in a film or TV series, but when it becomes more than PG in public, I think it’s irresponsible to exploit young children to something they shouldn’t have to see for another ten years. This is likely to make me sound like an old soul spouting stories of back in the day, but realistically kids shouldn’t see tongues anywhere except when they stick theirs out at someone else and they get one back in return.  I don’t want to see it, so I doubt they will. As well as this, something as special as a movie-star kiss should be special – not just sticking your tongue down someone else’s throat as a way of claiming ownership in public.

Many of you will be thinking that I’m only having a go because I’m jealous. Maybe I am, but after all, it’s not as if everyone is fortunate enough to be in the same situation. For the singles amongst the population, we are forced into viewing a rom-com without the comedy in public, reminding us effectively of the general loneliness of our situation. For some, this is likely to sink them back into the 6 month depression of chocolates, tissues and Love Actually, wrapped up in bed with the curtains drawn shut and the phone line disconnected. It’s bad enough to know that at this rate, I’ll end up alone with thirteen cats and a subscription to Knitting Weekly, without having others relationships being rubbed in my face. It’s not as if it’s a reality I don’t know about, but I want to be able to live my life dreaming about the fairytale ending you see in films, not see it stuck on replay every time I step outside my front door.

I hope that people in a relationship treasure what they have; I just hope that they also realise not everyone wants to see it, before they are pelted with the tissues and empty chocolate boxes of the lonely people - and those who don’t want to have to meet their breakfasts twice every morning.